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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

Archive for the ‘al gore’ tag

Al Gore Burns Rainforest With Environmental Message That Can Be Seen From Space

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live_greenLOS ANGELES – Former Vice President and current activist Al Gore has razed several hundred million acres of Amazon rainforest with a message promoting environmental responsibility. Gore contracted a Brazilian construction firm to produce a controlled conflagration in the shape of the message “Live Green” and bulldoze the smoldering remains.

Gore boasted that the message– intended to raise awareness about the dangers of industrialized civilization– can be seen from space; he also expressed hope that intelligent beings from other galaxies will interpret the message as evidence of his enlightenment.

Several ecologically-minded celebrities such as Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo will join Gore to celebrate completion of the project by skywriting “Global Warming Deniers Are Anti-Science And Must Be Stopped” through the exhaust smoke of a large fleet of private jets.

It is believed that Gore raised a portion of the funding for his rainforest project from the sale of a minority stake in his investment firm to the Iranian Sovereign Fund.

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Written by Ironic Commando

March 5th, 2013 at 9:00 am

WARNING: Gorenographic Content

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HornBearDog Strikes Again!

The National Enquirer reports that two additional message therapists claim they were abused by Al Gore. The following incident allegedly took place at a Beverly Hills hotel when Al Gore was in town for the Oscars–

“The therapist claimed that when they were alone, Gore shrugged off a towel and stood naked in front of her.

“He pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, ‘Take care of THIS.’

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Written by Whattapundit

July 21st, 2010 at 2:09 pm

FOX NEWS: Global Cooling Is Coming

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Contrary to the commonly held scientific conclusion that the Earth is getting warmer, a scientist who has written more than 150 peer-reviewed papers has unveiled evidence for his prediction that global cooling is coming soon.

Come on, people– we had a consensus! Damnit. Well, at a minimum this is going to be a big word processing challenge…

To get started, here are some useful tips for Al Gore et al. from the Microsoft website. This function probably works in Powerpoint, too (and with the words “warming” and “cooling”):

How to Use Search and Replace

 You can automatically replace text — for example, you can replace “Acme” with “Apex.”

  1. On the Edit menu, click Replace.
  2. In the Find what box, enter the text that you want to search for.
  3. In the Replace with box, enter the replacement text.
  4. Select any other options that you want.
  5. Click Find Next, Replace, or Replace All.

To cancel a search in progress, press ESC.

H/T Mike B.

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Written by Moog Rogue

May 19th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

“Let them eat carbon credits”

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From the American Thinker:

The environmental impact of Al Gore is growing faster than his waistline. The warmist con game has been very lucrative for the king of carbon credits. He and Tipper have just added to their collection of energy-gobbling homes with a nearly 9 million dollar 5 bedroom, 9 bath Italian-style villa in the celebrity-studded coastal enclave of Montecito, California, home to Oprah Winfry and many other celebrities. Al certainly likes living large. The home comes complete with 6 fireplaces. How are Al and Tip going to use them without generating carbon dioxide?

See also:
Al Gore called a “laughingstock” to his face at Apple shareholder meeting
New Carbon Credit Firm Achieves Offets By Smothering Non-Rich Americans
New Al Gore Start-Up Manufactures Scientific Consensus

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Written by Whattapundit

April 29th, 2010 at 8:35 am

New Carbon Credit Firm Achieves Offets By Smothering Non-Rich Americans

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PALO ALTO, CA – Vice President Al Gore announced on Monday the creation of a new “carbon credit” firm that will offer carbon emission offsets to wealthy international clients by suffocating non-rich Americans and climate change deniers.

The new firm, which is named Expiria, will target high net worth individuals and families whose appetite for private air travel and electricity-guzzling palatial homes has resulted in an unusually large carbon “footprint.”

While other carbon offset solutions exist, they depend to a great extent on renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, hydroelectric and biofuels. Gore described Expiria’s innovative solution to reducing emissions,

The great thing about our new technology is that it attacks the problem from three directions.

First, it provides a market for anybody from the wildly wealthy to the preposterously wealthy to cancel out the deleterious effects of their jet-setting lifestyle and shield themselves from cries of hypocrisy.

Second, it promises to eliminate a large segment of the human habitational cohort, thereby reducing the considerable emissions that humanoid bioentities make on an aggregate level– much of it simply by exhaling.

Third, Expiria has targeted for carbon-negation individuals who have expressed skepticism about global climate change. They’re already expelling poisonous carbon gas every time they open their mouth– there’s no need to tolerate their hateful anti-science either. That makes Expiria’s work much easier, creating a virtuous cycle between numbers one, two and three.

Much of the work is done by the Carbon-Negative Smothering PillowTM, a product manufactured by Gaiatech, another green tech company co-founded by Gore.

A non-rich American could not be reached for comment because we did not bother to contact any.

See also: New Al Gore Start-Up Manufactures Scientific Consensus

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Written by Ironic Commando

March 1st, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Al Gore called a “laughingstock” to his face at Apple shareholder meeting

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Gore was seated in the first row, along with his six fellow board members, in Apple’s Town Hall auditorium as several stockholders took turns either bashing or praising his high-profile views on climate change.

At the first opportunity for audience participation just several minutes into the proceeding, a longtime and well-known Apple shareholder–some would say gadfly–who introduced himself as Sheldon, stood at the microphone and urged against Gore’s re-election to the board. Gore “has become a laughingstock. The glaciers have not melted,” Sheldon said, referring to Gore’s views on global warming. “If his advice he gives to Apple is as faulty as his views on the environment then he doesn’t need to be re-elected.”

Via JammieWearingFool.

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Written by Moog Rogue

February 26th, 2010 at 10:29 am

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Walter Russell Mead had an interesting photograph from Al Gore’s Nobel prize ceremony in his column, “The Death of Global Warming.” I don’t see too good. What’s that on Al Gore’s prize?…

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Written by Whattapundit

February 1st, 2010 at 2:56 pm

New Al Gore Start-Up Manufactures Scientific Consensus

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consensa

PALO ALTO – Vice President Al Gore has founded a new company through venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins (of which he is a partner) that develops, manufactures and markets scientific consensus to an unwitting public eager to accept credible-sounding theories from impressive-sounding organizations.

The new firm is named Consensa and it is expected initially to focus on climate and earth science, the field in which Gore has become an outspoken global advocate. However, Gore has suggested that the company may branch out into other areas including industrial policy, population control and nutrition.

Consensa counts among its early successes the manufactured consensus that polar bears experience a higher plane of consciousness than humans.

See also: New Carbon Credit Firm Achieves Offets By Smothering Non-Rich Americans

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Written by Ironic Commando

December 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am