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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

Archive for April, 2011

Government to the rescue

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A year-long sting operation by brave federal agents has finally paid off.  They’ve collected enough evidence for an air tight case to shut down a criminal distribution ring in Pennsylvania.
 
Of Amish dairy farmers.
 
Selling unpasteurized milk.
 
Go get ’em, FDA!
 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

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Written by MikeM

April 29th, 2011 at 8:52 am

President Obama Has Released His Birth Certificate…

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But when will he answer for the eerily prophetic background pattern? Truthers and Birthers unite!

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Written by Whattapundit

April 27th, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Gouge Away

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Rest easy, American drivers– President Obama has ordered the formation of a task force to investigate potential price-gouging at the pump.

At long last, somebody in Washington has the courage to squeeze the rapacious 0.6% margins that gas station owners earn selling fuel. It’s not like they’ve got any competition to keep their prices in check–

Google Maps Search: "gas station"


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Written by Moog Rogue

April 22nd, 2011 at 1:06 pm

All-points bulletin

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Written by Moog Rogue

April 19th, 2011 at 11:58 am

Moment of Clarity

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Nancy Pelosi, as quoted by the Weekly Standard:
 
To my Republican friends: take back your party. So that it doesn’t matter so much who wins the election, because we have shared values about the education of our children, the growth of our economy, how we defend our country, our security and civil liberties, how we respect our seniors. Because there are so many things at risk right now — perhaps in another question I’ll go into them, if you want. But the fact is that elections shouldn’t matter as much as they do…But when it comes to a place where there doesn’t seem to be shared values then that can be problematic for the country, as I think you can see right now.
 
The emphasis belongs to the Weekly Standard writer, and I think he misses the more interesting point.  We already knew Nancy Pelosi is an autocratic bitch-demon who would be happiest ruling the world with a bureaucratic iron fist the likes of which Stalin and Hitler only dreamt of.
 
More significant, I think, is the admission that she and her “Republican friends” “have shared values about the education of our children, the growth of our economy, how we defend our country, our security and civil liberties, how we respect our seniors.”  Meaning there is little disagreement about government controlled education, regulation of industry, social security, “national security” (which for both parties seems to involve eliminating civil liberties as rapidly as we allow), etc.  That’s right — it turns out that between Nancy and the minority-repressing grandma-starving corporate-slave Republicans, there really hasn’t been that much conflict of ideology when it comes to the business of ruling over the little people.
 
Whether your team is the Reds or the Blues, America’s political kabuki theatre has produced pretty much the same shit sandwich lately.  The Blues appeal to our irrational emotionality, the Reds to our bellicosity, we pick sides and dig in — but in the end we’re fighting over who gets title of conductor on the train headed straight towards massive, totalitarian government.
 
What really freaks Nancy out is anyone challenging the Republicrat lock on power, which for the first time in a long time we are beginning to see — Ron Paul isn’t just America’s crazy uncle anymore.  She describes this trend as “problematic for the country”, meaning of course “problematic for government’s choke-hold on power” — in her mind the government is America’s soul, spirit, brain, conscience, judge, jury, executioner, and priest (er…pan-religious morality dispenser).  But now there is a movement from some within the government (and even from the faceless, mindless proletariat!)…to reduce government?  That’s unpossible.

What do you mean you don't like your shit sandwich??

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Written by MikeM

April 13th, 2011 at 8:19 am

Joseph Pulitzer would be proud.

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Busch Stadium has priciest beer in NL? Not really. But maybe.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch published this headline. Seriously.

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Written by Moog Rogue

April 7th, 2011 at 10:23 am

Police state

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The Los Angeles Police Department has a new one million dollar toy — the BatCat! Don’t let the adorable name fool you, this massive robot can be used to terrorize suspected criminals and innocent civilians alike.
 
Now when a suspected criminal barricades himself in his home, the LAPD can just rip it down around him and crush him in the rubble, or when they get a clear line of sight their snipers can just shoot him in the head! No more pesky, expensive trials necessary, hooray!
 
The suspect in this case was suspected of shooting a police officer. I guess he must have been a bad guy. It would be nice for a trial to have determined that though, and not a pissed-off SWAT team with a wall-smashing robot.
 

The BatCat wreaks havoc on a neighborhood

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Written by MikeM

April 5th, 2011 at 7:10 am

Freedom to be an idiot

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You know, I wish we could find some way to hold people accountable.  Free speech is a great idea, but we’re in a war.

So – unconstitutional, endless war should serve as justification to begin curtailing our constitutional, fundamental human rights?

I guess I’ll say it while I still can, then:  fuck you,  senator, and any of your other friends on capitol hill who think whatever bullshit government adventure you drag the United States into is so important that it gives you license to go through the bill of rights with a red ink pen.  God forbid the actions of any American citizen limit the power of the state to wage war when, where, and upon whom it wants.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Maybe if one idiot burning a Quran “puts our soldiers in danger” we should take our soldiers out of danger instead of worrying about idiots and the precipitous (although entirely constitutional) things they do.

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Written by MikeM

April 4th, 2011 at 3:18 pm