"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

Archive for February, 2011

THE ONION: ExxonMobil CEO Really Hurt That College Student Is Talking About Him Right Now

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IRVING, TX—According to sources within ExxonMobil’s global headquarters, Rex W. Tillerson, the company’s president, chairman, and CEO, was completely devastated Wednesday by what 18-year-old Skidmore College freshman Samantha Huestis was saying about him in her dorm room.

After aides abruptly pulled him the 58-year-old executive of a deepwater-exploration meeting, Tillerson was said to have gasped audibly and shake his head in apparent despair when notified that the communications major had charged ExxonMobil with “raping the environment” and had claimed that Tillerson himself “only cares about money.”


Written by Moog Rogue

February 28th, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Vampire vs. Bank

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Forget Huntington’s “Clash of Civilizations”– the great conflict of our time is the undead vs. depository institutions…

Via The Daily What on Tumbr:

Vampire Vendetta of the Day: Patrick Rodgers — your average, everyday Philadelphian vampire — visits Fox & Friends to discuss how an old, obscure loophole he was able to find because he’s immortal allowed him to turn the tables on his bank and threaten their local branch with foreclosure.

Also: LOL epitaph. You’re immortal!


Written by Moog Rogue

February 25th, 2011 at 10:03 am

Arrogance and Ignorance

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This statement by Bill Clinton may be the quintessential example of liberal economic thought.

Rising corn prices starting to cause trouble?  Just let farmers know they shouldn’t sell so much corn to ethanol producers — oh and don’t forget the hungry Africans.  They could use some of your corn, too.

Former President Bill Clinton on Thursday warned farmers that using too much corn for ethanol fuel could lead to higher food prices and riots in poor countries.

Problem solved.

Except how exactly is an Iowan corn farmer supposed to know what percentage of his harvest should go to ethanol and what percentage to Africa?  And if we lower ethanol production while there’s turmoil in the Middle East, won’t gas prices rise even more?  But third world countries are starving because we wanted to “feel” better about filling our gas tanks, and that seems a little immoral — economic central planning is hard!  Quick — someone establishe a presidential commission of experts to tell us what to do!

Guess what, Bill.  Farmers, greedy capitalist pigs that they are, are going to sell their corn to whomever pays them the most money for it.  With massive government intervention in agriculture and subsidies for ethanol, that’s exactly where corn is going to be diverted to.

And even the most charitable farmer is unlikely to donate his harvest to starving Africans.  I think we can forgive him for feeding his own family before a Rwandan’s.

Maybe we should create some legislation to that effect though?  Just a few more bills through Congress and I think we’ll have just about all the world’s problems solved…



Written by MikeM

February 24th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

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Probably standing up for freedom and democracy around the world…right after we resolve a scheduling conflict.  And maybe have a late brunch.

I assumed denouncing a madman who is using his air force to bomb his own people (including a funeral procession) would be a political softball.  Evidently, it takes a few high level meetings and perhaps some hasty political polling to find one’s moral compass.


Written by MikeM

February 23rd, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Regulated to Death

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Never let reality and truth get in the way of your political narrative…

From Politico:

GOP lawmakers assailed Browner’s office after a recent report showed that the White House rewrote crucial sections of an Interior Department report to suggest an independent group of scientists and engineers supported a six month ban on offshore oil drilling.

‘It was found out that it was the climate czar that actually doctored the president’s own scientific study to try to say that scientists that the president appointed recommended a moratorium on drilling,’ Scalise said. ‘It turned out the scientists didn’t say that at all.’

Are we so far gone in accepting corruption and abuse of power from Washington that we hardly even notice when a President and his staff falsify scientific findings with the goal of shutting down an entire industry?  Not to mention the fact that the President has absolutely no constitutional power to shut down private businesses, whether he finds “scientists” willing to back his political propaganda or not.  Nixon could learn a thing or two about manipulation, corruption and ambition from this administration.

Meanwhile, the EPA seems determined to regulate us into a pre-industrial society.  Obama’s “skyrocketing” energy prices would’ve been bad enough, but it seems we’ve already progressed beyond that point in some places, evidenced by the rolling blackouts in Texas.  The simplistic response from the White House communications director:

According to the Electric Reliability Council of Texas, these blackouts were actually the result of extreme cold temperatures and high winds, which led to a variety of mechanical failures at more than 50 power plants around the state.
Some are trying to blame these blackouts – which the industry has already provided explanation for – on Clean Air Act standards under consideration to curb dangerous pollution, including carbon pollution. While these claims gained traction on the internet, there is a major problem with this theory – no power plant in Texas has yet been required to do anything to control carbon pollution.

So, is the power grid maxed out, or did fifty power plants break down because of “cold temperatures and high winds”?

A representative of Oncor said, in this local news story:

The Electric Reliability Council of Texas, the agency that oversees the state’s power, says the energy grid is nearly maxed out.  The agency has warned consumers that if they don’t conserve power this morning, rolling blackouts will likely happen once again.

Based on this statement, and the fact that Texas is buying power from Mexico, it seems most likely that their power grid is indeed maxed out.  It also seems unlikely that there would be a systemic failure of the power production system in Texas just because it was especially cold and windy.
Now concerning the statement “no power plant in Texas has yet been required to do anything to control carbon pollution”:  an inability to meet energy demand right now would have its origins several years ago, when the power plants that would have been built to anticipate future demand were left unbuilt due to government interference.  It is ridiculously simplistic to argue that current capacity has not been impacted by government regulation.  At the very least, the market’s capacity for responding to an increase in energy (or any) demand is slowed by the intervention of government.
Lowered energy consumption is currently being imposed on Americans, whether it be through direct government compulsion, higher prices, and in some cases even complete unavailability.  But the EPA can only regulate us so long as we allow it to.  We fund it, and we can unfund it.  I don’t think anyone will be missing the “clean air” the EPA has gifted us with when they lose power to their home for a week.

This article (from the archives of my new favorite website) provides an interesting perspective on regulation, from 1999 — the author even mentions the dangers of the Community Reinvestment Act and ACORN — maybe the housing crisis wasn’t quite as unpredictable as the politicians who created it would like us to believe…

Perhaps the most egregious example of all of regulatory blackmail is enforcement of the so-called Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) in the U.S. The CRA was enacted in 1978 under a patently false pretense — that banks made fewer loans to residents of low-income neighborhoods not because there were fewer creditworthy borrowers there, but because of allegedly pervasive “discrimination” against the residents of those neighborhoods, primarily black residents.

Banks do — and should — “discriminate” against less creditworthy borrowers, but in doing so they run the risk of regulatory extortion. An entire industry of sometimes federally-funded “community groups” has sprung up, with names like “Center for Community Change” and Association of Community Groups for Reform Now (ACORN), which essentially extort money from banks with the following ruse: Whenever a bank proposes a merger, expansion, or building of a new branch, it is subject to regulation by the Fed, the Comptroller of the Currency, and the FDIC. If anyone files a complaint to any of these agencies accusing the bank of making too few CRA loans, the merger or expansion is halted. So-called community groups frequently lodge such complaints and do not withdraw them until the banks give them or other groups which they designate large sums of money, sometimes in the tens of millions of dollars


Written by MikeM

February 21st, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Public Servants

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Obama on the situation in Wisconsin

Public employees…they’re our neighbors, they’re our friends.  They’re the people who make you sit in an otherwise empty lobby for five minutes while they finish up a phonecall to their mother.  They’re the police officers who pull you over to the side of the road and fine you to earn revenue for their municipality.  They’re the teachers who indoctrinate your children and then take them to protest at the state capitol, calling in “sick” and shutting down schools.  They’re the union protestors on the governor of Wisconsin’s lawn, screaming at his family while he is at work.  Just like you and I.
One wouldn’t think that a DMV worker could be mistaken for an angel of altruism, guiding our wayward society towards a shining utopia, but that seems to be the thesis in the president’s comments.  As in any group of people, there are good and there are bad, but give a group of workers massive collective bargaining power, impressive benefits locked in by legislation, low barriers to entry and low expectations, you just might find we don’t attract the very best in society to public “service”.  We may find in fact that we are the ones serving them.


Written by MikeM

February 17th, 2011 at 10:03 pm

A Profile In Courage

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Police officers are looking for Democratic Wisconsin lawmakers who were ordered to attend a vote on a bill that would strip public employees of collective bargaining rights.

No Democrats showed up for Thursday’s Senate session, meaning a vote cannot be taken. Republicans need one Democratic senator to be present. Calls to Democratic leaders were not immediately returned.

Is your legislative body proposing something that would anger your political allies?  Just follow this one easy step to success:  run away…


Written by MikeM

February 17th, 2011 at 9:57 pm

The Even Greater Society

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In 2014, when Obamacare is scheduled to be fully implemented, HHS will become the first $1-trillion-per year federal agency. That year, Medicare and Medicaid will cost $557 billion and $352.1 billion respectively, or a combined $909.1 billion — about what all of HHS costs this year.

In other words, when Obamacare is just getting started, Medicare and Medicaid will cost more than the $822.6 billion in 2010 dollars than the entire federal government cost in 1965 when LBJ signed Medicare and Medicaid into law.

Good news!  Judging by government expenditures I’d say we just about have poverty and disease licked.


Written by MikeM

February 16th, 2011 at 6:39 pm