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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

Archive for December, 2009

They don’t call him Jesse “The Brain” Ventura

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Jesse Ventura defends America, whether it's with Gatling guns or fatuous, paranoid fantasies.

I just heard Jesse Ventura say, on the 9/11 episode of his “Conspiracy Theory” TV series:

If everything they told us was true, then why would they need to stonewall us?

“They” is clearly the “false flag”-perpetrating U.S. government. And “us” is all the people working on his adorably irrelevant “gotcha” TV show on a cable channel you’ve never heard of (TruTV).

I’m not going to spend much time on this because Jesse Ventura has long become, after all, a self-parody.

But I think we’d all have much more to fear if a single employee of any organization related to national security deigned to be interviewed by this silly man.

As a rule, if I can’t reply negatively to the question “Am I duplicating the efforts of Charlie Sheen?”, I quit what I’m doing.

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Written by Moog Rogue

December 31st, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Underpants Bombz!

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Just tell Rahm to do whatever it is he does for these things...I need some beach time

Keep on releasing those detainees, guys.  There is definitely no way that will ever come back to haunt us.

“But…those detainees were released by Bush!”

So…your counter argument is; “Bush made a mistake releasing Gitmo detainees”?  That kind of rips your “Bush is evil!  We need to release those poor abused detainees!” argument into a thousand tiny pieces, doesn’t it?  Oh that’s right - you live in a fantasy world where your ridiculous arguments and ideas make sense simply by leaving your mouth.

Terrorists who are caught attempting to commit cowardly acts of war with the intent of waging jihad – they are prisoners of war. It’s not our fault that jihad has no logical conclusion, no uniforms, and no state with which the treatment and release of prisoners can be negotiated.  Indefinite war necessitates indefinite imprisonment, and imminent, cowardly attacks on our citizens necessitates we do all we can to get timely and actionable information out of the jihadists who attack us.  To do anything less is to rationalize our way to defeat.

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Written by MikeM

December 31st, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Rogue Artist Jokerizes Capitol Building, Pleads For End Of Jokerization

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WASHINGTON – A rogue artist has “jokerized” the U.S. Capitol building and released the following statement:

Listen, this whole “jokerization” thing barely made sense when somebody in L.A. first did it to Obama.

Now it seems like every other day a new politician gets jokerized, and the quality of the Photoshopping keeps deteriorating. Some of these might even be done in that Microsoft “Paint” program.

So today I skipped ahead to the logical end of all this jokerization and jokerized the building where everybody in Congress works. Everybody. There are no Congresspeople left to jokerize because I basically did them all. Please, please, let this be the end of this stupid meme.

UPDATE: Fearing that an ironic meme might emerge in the wake of the “jokerize” phenomenon, the artist has reportedly acted preemptively by “penguinizing” the already jokerized Capitol:

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Written by Ironic Commando

December 29th, 2009 at 2:38 pm

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The National Recovery Act Blue Eagle was a symbol designed to demonstrate compliance with the programs of FDR’s New Deal.  It was expected to be displayed by every American company, accompanied by the phrase “We do our part”.

I have sympathy with President Roosevelt because he marches straight toward his objective over Congress, over lobbies, over stubborn bureaucracies.  -Adolf Hitler, 1933 (from Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg)

In what is to me clearly an homage to the National Recovery Act and its Blue Eagle, we have the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (the stimulus bill) and a symbol updated for our times:

The eagle is replaced by a less threatening blue field with stars.  The lightning bolts are updated with a friendly green symbol of environmentalism.  The cog wheel representing industry remains the same.  I’m sure the holistic “we’re all in it together” circle is also quite intentional.  This lovely symbol of our New New Deal is prominently displayed on Recovery.gov.

I don’t mean to suggest that Obama = Roosevelt = Hitler, because this isn’t true and would be a very shallow assessment.  But Americans still willing to engage in critical thinking should take some time to evaluate where our current government (ie, the Progressive movement) has come from and where it is headed.  I recommend Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism to anyone interested in a thoughtful, comprehensive look at the roots of American progressivism.

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Written by MikeM

December 28th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

“Protect and Survive” – Disturbing British Nuclear Survival Videos (1980s)

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Few things are as uncomfortable to watch, on so many levels, as these videos from the U.K’s “Protect and Survive” public information series from the early 1980s. (And maybe it’s just me, but I get an eerie sense of Cold War-era nostalgia, too.)

Each video begins with a mushroom cloud cartoon and concludes with what somebody on Wikipedia aptly called “a memorably unsettling electronic musical phrase.”

Most of the crap you’re instructed to do seems like a doomed, absurd existential charade, and altogether unlikely to save any lives. (Much like our own “Duck and Cover,” as I understand it.)

Witness this comically futile fall-out “refuge” from part 6 (“Refuges“).

And this guy, hiding from fall-out under a bridge.

And this pitiful attempt to dignify a shit bucket. (Which actually seems like a very British thing to do.)

Most of the “Protect and Survive” videos are available on this YouTube playlist. I’ve embedded a small selection:

#1. Nuclear Explosions Explained

#3. “What To Do When The Warnings Sounds” (Jesus, even the “All Clear” signal is deeply unnerving.)

#4. “Stay At Home”

#10. “Action After Warnings”

#15. “Life Under Fall-Out Conditions”

#20. “Casualties” (Creepy. I can understand why they saved this one for last.)

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Castrated America Now Relying On Dutch Artists To Protect Our Airlines

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Filed under, “Kind of Wish That Title Were a Joke.”

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Written by Shittypundit

December 27th, 2009 at 1:22 pm

MARK STEYN: Cross the River, Burn the Bridge

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The monstrous mountain of toxic pustules sprouting from greasy boils metastasizing from malign carbuncles that passed the Senate on Christmas Eve is not the last word in “health” “care,” but the first. It ensures that this is all we’ll be talking about, now and forever.

Think of the way almost every Big Government project bursts its bodice and winds up bigger and more bloated than its creators allegedly foresaw. In this instance, the stays come pre-loosened, and studded with loopholes. Because the Democrat operators — the Nancy Pelosis and Barney Franks — know that what matters is to get something, anything across the river, and then burn the bridge behind you.

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Written by Moog Rogue

December 26th, 2009 at 11:17 pm

MARK STEYN: Let’s Roll 2

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If the facts remain broadly as outlined, this incident has serious implications for airline travel: A man is on the no-fly list but is allowed to board the plane. Everyone flying on an inbound long-haul flight to the United States is forced to hand over excessively large amounts of liquids and gels and put the small amounts permitted into separate plastic bags, yet the no-fly guy’s material for bomb-making sails through undetected.

This time the last line of defense worked. Next time, the paradise-seeking jihadist might get lucky and find himself sitting next to, say, Charlie Sheen, too immersed in a lengthy treatise on how 9/11 was an inside job to notice the smoldering socks in the next seat; or to the same kind of nothing-to-see-here crowd who thought Major Hasan’s e-mails were “consistent with his research interests”.

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Written by Moog Rogue

December 26th, 2009 at 11:04 pm